


Queens of New York

by HesTheKingOfSomewhere



Category: Newsies!: the Musical - Fierstein/Menken
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Crushes, Drinking, Engagement, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fights, Fluff, Friends With Benefits, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Never Have I Ever, Past Relationship(s), Polyamory, Secret Relationship, Smoking, Truth or Dare, Unrequited Love, ace albert, chatfic, everyone is of age so thats fine, french crutchie, groupchat, weed references, yet another chatfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-05
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-18 13:35:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,265
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14853767
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HesTheKingOfSomewhere/pseuds/HesTheKingOfSomewhere
Summary: lots of drama bc these boys r extra, basically, Race/Spot is secret, Jack/David is slow, Kath/Sarah is sweet, Al/Finch is fake? Finch/Crutchie is dramatic, and Romeo/Specs is chill. Also Smalls has a gf that is almost definetly sniper but shes not in this besides mentions. Theres a lot of past relationships, and you also get a free ralbert unrequited crush.





	1. In Which Race is an Idiot

**Author's Note:**

> Usernames are pretty straight forward but:  
> santagay: Jack  
> DJacobs: David  
> richbitch: Kath  
> SJ420: Sarah  
> inyourFACEtrack: Race  
> Spot8365631: Spot  
> littlebirdie: Finch  
> albiehadalittlelamb: Albert  
> crispycrutch: Crutchie  
> WhereforeArtThou: Romeo

_**Queens of New York** _

1:34

WhereforeArtThou: heyo raceyboi

 

inyourFACEtrack: yeet?

 

WhereforeArtThou: anotha one

 

inyourFACEtrack: i hate u

 

santagay: FFUCK

 

santagay: whats the score

 

inyourFACEtrack: Romeo 31 Jack 24 Race 28

 

inyourFACEtrack: ur falling behind boi

 

DJacobs: Wait, what is this?

 

crispycrutch: they have a competition to see who gets the most phone #s

 

crispycrutch: winner gets jacks car

 

WhereforeArtThou: idc about the car, i cant drive, what matters is living up to my name

 

**_PM with DJacobs_ **

 

santagay: daveyyyyyy

 

DJacobs: yes?

 

santagay: i seem to have lost my phone #, can i have urs??

 

**_Queens of New York_ **

 

santagay: 25 BITHCES

 

inyourFACEtrack: ur still losing

 

inyourFACEtrack: speaking of losing

 

inyourFACEtrack: im feeling some wii sports resort

 

noteventhatshort: omw with spot

 

santagay: im in

 

littlebirdie: be there in 5

 

2:05

 

richbitch: do none of yall have classes?

 

crispycrutch: only you, al, and davey have classes today, the rest of us are smrt and didnt take any friday classes

 

richbitch: I love you all but fuck you guys

 

crispycrutch: hey, this is on you

 

albiehadalittlelamb: just got out of class, is wii sports resort still a thing?

 

inyourFACEtrack: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

santagay: all wii games have been canceled due to loss of equipment

 

 _littlebirdie shared a video with **Queens of New York**_  
Race and Spot are playing an extremely intense game of table tennis. Everyone is screaming at the top of their lungs, as one does when it’s the match point, Spot is this close to beating Race, but he’s not prepared to let that happen. Spot hits a powershot, a sure win for him, with a loud “HA”. Race hits an even stronger backhand, and as he does, the remote slips out his hand and out the open window, into the street below. All commotion stops, everyone just stares at the open window, as if the remote will magically fly back up into Race’s empty hand. It does not. They stand there for a solid 5 minutes, until Race turns around and walks out of the room, closing the door behind him. A few seconds pass. The room erupts into laughter.

 

albiehadalittlelamb: goddamn it race

 

Spot8365631: What a fuckin dumbass

 

inyourFACEtrack: how rude

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: we still on for jacobi’s?

 

inyourFACEtrack: hells yeah dude, we’ll be there around 6

 

albiehadalittlelamb: wait, we?

 

**_PM with littlebirdie_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: MISSION ABORT ABORT FINCH HELP

 

littlebirdie: whoa dude what happened?

 

albiehadalittlelamb: BITCH HE THOUGHT IT WAS A GROUP THING HES BRINGING OTHER PPL

 

littlebirdie: OH SHIT THATS HILARIOUS

 

littlebirdie: and also so terrible damn

 

albiehadalittlelamb: WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO

 

littlebirdie: bring other people yourself?

 

littlebirdie: bring a date! Make him jealous!

 

albiehadalittlelamb: thats actually not a bad idea

 

albiehadalittlelamb: hey finchhh…..

 

littlebirdie: bring me 2 grams and I’ll do it

 

albiehadalittlelamb: you got it sweetheart ;;;;;))))))

 

littlebirdie: also never call me sweetheart ever again

 

**_Queens of New York_ **

6:12

SJ420: FINCH WHAT THE FUCJ

 

SJ420: SINCE WHEN ARE YOU DATING AL AND Y DID I HAVE TO HEAR IT FROM JACK

 

littlebirdie: well I was GOING to tell you tonight but i guess jack cant keep his mouth shut sooo

 

WhereforeArtThou: get some boiiii!!!

 

santagay: well damn finch, when you come walking into jacobi’s with your arm around Al i had to find out if this was common knowledge

 

albiehadalittlelamb: twas not, but now everyone knows so thanks jack

 

littlebirdie: thanks jack

 

SJ420: thanks jack

 

Spot8365631: thanks jack

 

inyourFACEtrack: thanks jack

 

noteventhatshort: thanks jack

 

WhereforeArtThou: thanks jack

 

_crispycrutch has left the chat_

 

santagay: whyd crutchie leave

 

littlebird: oh fuck thanks jack

 

_**PM with Spot8365631** _

 

inyourFACEtrack: you owe me 5$

 

Spot8365631: fuck me

 

inyourFACEtrack: maybe later

 

inyourFACEtrack: double or nothing crutchie starts dating finch and albert

 

Spot8365631: ill take that action

 

Spot8365631: also new bet, jack has no clue that sarah and david are twins

 

inyourFACEtrack: you have too much faith in him, 20$ says he does not currently know they are siblings

 

Spot8365631: theres no way he’s that oblivious

 

_**PM with santagay** _

 

Spot8365631: hey jackie, do yknow if sarah has any siblings? Shes cute but dating kath so im hoping theres an alternate

 

santagay: i think she has a bro but hes like 8 years younger than you lmao

 

Spot8365631: rip in peace my fantasy of dating a male sarah

 

_**PM with inyourFACEtrack** _

 

Spot8365631: oh my god he is that oblivious

 

inyourFACEtrack: ill add it to ur tab

 

Spot8365631: hey, smalls is at her gfs 2night, you coming over?

 

inyourFACEtrack: god what am i ur booty call????

 

Spot8365631: yes?

 

inyourFACEtrack: yeah ik, ill be over soon


	2. In Which Spot is a Whore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Got some drama, and some revelations by the groupchat. (I dont actually think Spot is a whore)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a shorter chapter, also i figured out AO3 a bit more so this will probably look nicer than the last chapter.

 

**_PM with crispycrutch_ **

 

littlebirdie: crutchie I can explain

 

crispycrutch: no, dont even try that

 

littlebirdie: you werent meant to know!

 

crispycrutch: what the fuck man! You said we couldnt be together bc you werent ready to be out, well guess what you fucking cellar, youre out! With someone you kept claiming was just a friend

 

littlebirdie: im not actually with albert! I was doing Al a favour and jack spread the news, which, yeah I guess means im out, which should be GOOD news for you

 

crispycrutch: well i dont care, see you around

 

_ You have been blocked by this user. _

 

**_PM with littlebirdie_ **

 

santagay: I hear a lot of french coming from crutchies room and your name, which either means yall r fighting or having sex

 

littlebirdie: he’s mad at me. Any idea what “cellar” means? In the crutchie way?

 

santagay: i think it means idiot, last time i heard that one was after race bought hawaiian pizza

 

santagay: shoot hes really mad isnt he?

 

littlebirdie: i fucked up big time. Anyhting you think you can do?

 

santagay: ill try my best, but just let him cool off

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

11:53

WhereforeArtThou: I have a bone to pick

 

DJacobs: with?

 

WhereforeArtThou: smalls

 

noteventhatshort: yes?

 

WhereforeArtThou: UR 5”0’ THATS SHORT

 

noteventhatshort: BUT MY HEART IS TALL

 

WhereforeArtThou: WHAT DOES THAT MEAN

 

inyourFACEtrack: you heard her, her heart is tall

 

inyourFACEtrack: unlike spot, who is short of stature, short of heart, and dare i say short of cazzo?

 

Spot8365631: nah

 

santagay: nah

 

DJacobs: nah

 

noteventhatshort: nah

 

WhereforeArtThou: what

 

WhereforeArtThou: the

 

WhereforeArtThou: FUCK

 

SJ420: Jesus Christ spot! How many people in this chat have you slept with?

 

Spot8365631: i refuse to answer that

 

richbitch: i came on to see why sarah and david were screaming and jesus chriST spot

 

richbitch: i dont know whats more iconic, the fact that youve apparently slept with half the chat, or that theyre all willing to testify to… nevermind im not talking about this.

 

santagay: i think its time to change the gdmn subject

 

santagay: whos down to party tonight?

 

WhereforeArtThou: better question, who ISNT down to party tonight?

 

12:12

 

Santagay: so im assuming everyone is coming. Ill see yall at our place around 9?

 

inyourFACEtrack: idk if i can make it by 9…

 

Santagay: ur sitting 5 feet away from me shut


	3. In Which They Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never Have I Ever! And Crutchie speaking Chiac bc hes pissed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is written not like a groupchat bc why would they all be texting each other if theyre all in the same room?

Race and Crutchie had already been drinking for a good half hour when people started arriving. Sarah, Kath, and David arrived first, then Finch and Albert walking hand in hand, Crutchie saw them and immediately turned towards Sarah and Kath, who were trying to catch up with Race in the kitchen. Well, Katherine was, Sarah had never been the drinking type, not since the incident of 2016.

“Ayyy, qu’est-ce que se passe mes dudes? C’est le time de prendre une brosse, n’est pas?” Crutchie said, rather loudly. He threw an arm around Katherine and grabbed another beer, scoffing at the label.

“C’est quoi this shit? Pas de Keiths? Lousy Américains.” he muttered, walking back to the living room to claim a spot on the couch. Crutchie only spoke French (or more accurately Chiac) in 3 scenarios: 1. He was calling his family in Canada 2. He was mega-tired and couldn't process languages 3. He was pissed at someone and didn’t want them to interact. Race surveyed the apartment, Finch and Albert talking quietly by the window, Crutchie curled up on the couch, Jack and Davey flirting as if it was the end of the world, Smalls, Romeo, some (familiar?) new guy, and Spot walking through the door. This was going to be a mess.

“I need to be about 10x more drunk for this.” Race grabbed a bottle of whiskey and took a long swig, he offered the bottle to Katherine, who followed suit.

“Fucking party, man.” Race and Kath shared a crisp high five.

“Did someone say “party man”?” Romeo asked, holding up a bottle of mystery alcohol the size of Smalls. 

“We’re playing never have I ever.” Spot explained. Race sighed.

“Well there goes my plan of not getting alcohol poisoning.”

 

A circle was arranged and drinks were distributed to everyone except Sarah, the only non-drinker and designated sober person. The new guy (Race was sure he’d met him before), was called Specs, and sat with his arm around Romeo, but kept glancing over to Race. Sarah cleared her throat.

“Friends! Acquaintances! Girlfriend and ex-boyfriend! We begin this game with our traditional song! Race, if you’d please.” she motioned for Race to stand. He held out his hands, as a priest might when leading a congregation in song.

“ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...” Others joined in, only to be cut off by a flourish from Race, “The Lord is good to me, and so I thank the Lord for giving me the things I need: the sun, the rain, and the appleseed, the Lord is good to meeeeeee. johnnyappleseedamen.” They burst into laughter. During one of their first get-togethers they learned that the Johnny Appleseed song was taught to them all at some point in their childhoods, and it stuck.

“And so we begin…” Sarah motioned to her left, where Smalls was sitting.

“Never have I ever… smoked weed.” Albert, Finch, Jack, and Race all drank. Sarah laughed, thankful she wasn’t playing. Romeo was next.

“Never have I ever… driven a car.” There went Specs, Albert, Jack, Race, Spot.

“Never have I ever gotten a tattoo.” Smalls, Finch, Jack, Spot, Katherine. Everyone looked surprised, Kath just smiled and winked.

“Read the terms and conditions.” Only David; no one was surprised.

“Had sex.” Everyone grumbled at Albert, as the resident asexual just laughed and watched everyone take their drinks.

“Won a bet against Race.” Spot and Katherine were the only two to drink, Race looked way too proud of himself.

“Never have I ever thrown a Wii remote out the window.” The group was too busy watching Race yell at Jack to notice Specs take a sip.

“Never have I ever read Harry Potter.” Race, David, Specs, Romeo, Kath.

“Damn, didn’t realise my friends were all nerds.” Spot received a light punch and a lecture from Race on that one.

“Never have I ever been to Canada.” Race smiled at Crutchie, who glared back.

“Go râper le fromage à cap.” Crutchie and Katherine were the only ones to drink.

“Et bein.” Crutchie whispered his never have I ever into Kath’s ear. She grinned.

“Never has Crutchie ever kissed the infamous Jack Kelly.” Much to the amusement of the entire crowd, David Jacobs was the only person who did not drink, even Specs took a sip. Jack bowed his head in shame. 

“What do you mean mommy and daddy don't kiss?” Romeo teased. David just blushed. It was very common knowledge that they were head over heels for each other, but both were too oblivious to see.

“Alright! Last one!” Kath said a bit too loudly. She cleared her throat. “After an eye opening conversation in the groupchat this morning, information must be collected. Never have I ever… seen Spot Conlon naked.” Eyes scanned the room, Jack drank, David drank, Race drank, Smalls drank.

“IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!” She clarified, apparently he had forgotten his towel in his room one day and hadn’t realised that Smalls and her girlfriend were home. That had been an uncomfortable introduction.

Race smiled in relief, glad no one noticed or acknowledged his drink. Thank God for Smalls. He surveyed the room once more as the much more intoxicated group diverted their attention from the game. Sarah was running her hands through a drunk Kath’s hair. Romeo, a notorious lightweight, was flirting with Specs, running his hands over the taller boy’s arms. Finch was sitting on Albert's lap, they were laughing about something, something personal, shared between the two of them. Albert caught Race’s eye for a moment, but Race looked away. The away he looked happened to be Spot, who was trying to have a conversation with Jack and Davey. Race was overwhelmed by the urge to touch him, grab his hand, run his fingers through his hair, kiss him in front of everybody. Instead Race just placed his outstretched hand on Spot’s shoulder. Spot turned to him, eyes shining like stars. Race lost his train of thought.

“I’m.. going for a smoke.” Race said dumbly. It was the first thing that came to his mind, but once he said it, he realised it was exactly what he needed. The cool air woke him up a bit, but also brought him made him aware of just how intoxicated he was. He lit a cigarette and took a drag, savouring the hot smoke in his lungs. Race looked out at the city, completely lost in his own thoughts until he felt a hand on his back.

“Gotta a light?” Spot asked holding up his own unlit cigarette. He leaned back against the fire escape railing, while Race produced a lighter. Spot blew smoke straight up into the air. Race looked the shorter boy up and down.

“Goddamn…”

“What is it, Racer?” Spot smiled, an occurrence that always lit up Race’s world.

“You just look so fucking hot tonight” the words spilled out of his mouth before he could consider them. It wasn’t like they never said things like that, but never when their friends were on the other side of a window. Spot chuckled.

“Is that why you came out here? Had to get away from my hotness?” he leaned towards Race, pushing them out of sight of the living room window.

“I wanted to touch you, kiss you, had to leave ‘fore I did something stupid” Race confessed. He took another drag of his cigarette. Spot glanced towards the window.

“Stupid like how? Stupid like this?” Spot kissed him, hard, before pulling away “Because that’s not stupid, that’s what I want to do every time I see you.”

“Then why don’t you?”

“Cause we ain't the boyfriend types” Race felt like that was something he should be offended by, but it was true. Their friends-with-benefits thing had worked perfectly for nearly 4 years. In front of everyone they were good pals, constantly making fun of the other, making bets, behind their friends backs Spot and Race were fools in love. They had long ago agreed that relationships always end badly, so why not just be “friends”? So far, it had worked, they'd been together longer than any other couple in the group, not that anyone knew. Race looked at his “friend”, trying to process exactly what he felt for Spot. Race opened his mouth and his dumb-ass drunk brain made words for him.

“Then fuck me” Race grabbed Spot’s face and kissed him. Spot responded by deepening the kiss and pushing Race against the building. Hands wandered, Race’s went up Spots back to make glorious scratch marks, Spot’s went over Race’s ass and down his legs, spreading them so they could make even more body contact. Just as hands had started to reach for belts, the window cracked open and they broke apart, faces flush. It was Smalls.

“Yo, I was sent to make sure y’all aren’t dying of lung cancer,” she received dismissive waves from both of them, “also I have a bet to make.” that peaked the boys’ interest.

“Now what kind of bet are we talking here?”

“50$ says David will get arrested by the end of the night”

“Normally I would take that without question, but you making this bet raises the question of why you’re willing to put that kind of money on the line”

“Because Davey has hit 6 drinks, all bets are off” Spot guessed

“Correct, and, Jack, Albert, Sarah, and him all just left the apartment to get thai” Smalls statement was confirmed by some whoops coming from the street, the group leaving the building. Race gave the bet a moment of hard thought, David was known to be worse than Jack after 6 drinks. Spot and Smalls stared at him, waiting for him to make a decision.

“I'll take it. No, raise you to 100$” Race smiled and spit in his hand, offering it to Smalls.

“Deal.” She spit in her own hand and shook. The night was about to get very interesting.


	4. In Which David is a Mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> alternate title: Adventures in Drunken Excursions

**_Queens of New York_ **

1:53

richbitch: whered you guys go?

 

noteventhatshort: thai on 9th

 

noteventhatshort: spot is crying over a fork

 

Spot8365631: no im not

 

noteventhatshort: dont lie to make urself seem tougher

 

Spot8365631: i got sauce in my eye

 

richbitch: is the sauce tears?

 

inyourFACEtrack: hes crying over the tiny fork

 

Spot8365631: it is a very tiny fork

 

Spot8365631: but thats not what im crying about

 

noteventhatshort: so u do admit that ur crying

 

Spot8365631: the fork is so SMALL

 

Spot8365631: WHO WAS IT MADE FOR

 

inyourFACEtrack: you

 

richbitch: smalls?

 

noteventhatshort: no

 

noteventhatshort: can I get a rip in the chat for david

 

inyourFACEtrack: press f to pay respects

 

noteventhatshort: f

 

Spot8365631: f

 

richbitch: f

 

inyourFACEtrack: f

 

richbitch: what happened?

 

inyourFACEtrack: he is currently vomiting into a bush

 

richbitch: jesus christ, are yall still at thai?

 

noteventhatshort: ye were inside with jack, al and sarah are with david

 

noteventhatshort: oh fuck

 

richbitch: what?

 

noteventhatshort: dave just bolted, ill text updates as they happen

 

richbitch: jfc

 

inyourFACEtrack: what is everyone doing on ur end

 

richbitch: im chilling w/ specs, romeo is asleep on the couch, finch and crutchie are ?asleep? in crutchies room?

 

inyourFACEtrack: oooooooooooooooooo

 

noteventhatshort: david just faceplanted onto the sidewalk, hes presumably fine

 

noteventhatshort: he wanted to go to the park and play on the swings

 

richbitch: that sounds like a race thing lmao

 

Spot8365631: and thats why were going to the park to play on the swings

 

richbitch: can we add specs to the chat?

 

Spot8365631: sure

 

_ richbitch added respecs to Queens of New York _

 

respecs: yeET

 

respecs: so why is david this fucked?

 

SJ420: bc he cannot handle his liquor and us jacobs love to party

 

SJ420: which is why i dont drink

 

inyourFACEtrack: i always thought it was because he hides all the fun parts of himself when hes sober and they get released under alcohol

 

santagay: u guys are related?

 

richbitch: ??????????????

 

SJ420: ?????????????

 

inyourFACEtrack: BAHAHAHA

 

SJ420: shiT davey has a lighter

 

respecs: oh shit

 

_ inyourFACEtrack sent a photo to  _ **_Queens of New York_ **

 

David is standing in front of a bench that is enveloped in orange flames with his back towards the camera. David appears rather calm but someone (Albert? Jack?) is frantically grabbing his arm and pulling him away.

 

richbitch: WHAT THE FUBCK

 

respecs: OH GOD

 

noteventhatshort: i guess were running now

 

respecs: HOW DID HE EVEN

 

respecs: IT WAS RAINING LIKE 5 MINS AGO

 

richbitch: lmao I hear sirens

 

Spot8365631: open the door, race forgot his keys

 

Spot8365631: also he gets 100 bucks if Dave doesnt get arrested

 

richbitch: jfc im on it


	5. In Which Things Are Explained

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lots of stuff happens here, more drama and good memes.

**_Queens of New York_ **

8:15

santagay: say yeet if you made it home alive

 

DJacobs: Yeet!

 

SJ420: yeet

 

richbitch: yeet

 

Spot8365631: yeet

 

respecs: yeet

 

albiehadalittlelamb: yeet

 

WhereforeArtThou: yeet

 

noteventhatshort: yeet

 

SJ420: wheres finchy boy?

 

littlebirdie: still at their apt

 

littlebirdie: oh right

 

_ littlebirdie added crispycrutch to  _ **_Queens of New York_ **

 

**_PM with albiehadalittlelamb_ **

 

santagay: al, finch slept over

 

albiehadalittlelamb: yeah ik?

 

santagay: i hate to say this and be that guy, but al, he slept in crutchies room

 

santagay: ik whats its like to be cheated on, and i never thought i would be having this conversation about finch but I dont want you to get hurt.

 

albiehadalittlelamb: ill ask finch, im sure nothing happened

 

**_PM with littlebirdie_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: did my fake bf cheat on me?

 

littlebirdie: …

 

albiehadalittlelamb: GET SOME BOIII

 

littlebirdie: lmao so your not mad?

 

albiehadalittlelamb: why would I be mad? even if we were dating id be chill about this, ik you have a huge thing for crutchie and lord knows youd never get any action from me

 

albiehadalittlelamb: the only problem is that jack thinks your cheating on me

 

littlefinch: ok so should we fake-break up? cuz i kind of dont want to, but if jack thinks im cheating on you…

 

albiehadlittlelamb: i have a plan

 

albiehadalittlelamb: does crutchie know that were fake dating?

 

littlebirdie: ye, theres no way i would even be allowed into his room if we were actually dating

 

albiehadalittlelamb: ok but heres the thing, if jack thinks you cheated on me, then race probably thinks the same

 

littlebirdie: oooHHHHHH

 

littlebirdie: so now im also fake cheating on you so that race will feel bad and fall for you and your sad situation

 

albiehadalittlebird: exactly!

 

littlebirdie: nice! what could possibly go wrong

 

**_Queens of New York_ **

 

respecs: so why is this chat called queens of new york

 

inyourFACEtrack: well you see…

 

inyourFACEtrack: twas all hallows eve 2017

 

inyourFACEtrack: and 7 of us showed up to kaths halloween party as drag queens completely independantly

 

noteventhatshort: and sarah kath jack and i were dressed as disney princesses

 

respecs: thats beautiful

 

respecs: and here i thought it was bc ?everyone? here is lbgtq

 

santagay: well if you think about it, its both

 

richbitch: when was the last time we even had a straight in this chat?

 

crispycrutch: i think  we had morris in the chat for a week when he was dating romeo

 

santagay: oh god i forgot about that

 

SJ420: does he even count as a straight?

 

inyourFACEtrack: well there was a reason he was only in the chat for a week so…

 

santagay: true, speaking of which

 

santagay: specs, if you ever hurt romeo, we will find out where you live and steal all of you soap lest you ever get a date again

 

respecs: noted?

 

SJ420: he gave me the same threat when I started dating kath lmao

 

santagay: it worked didnt it?

 

SJ420: im hate you

 

santagay: you loved me once loser

 

WhereforeArtThou: oh shit he went there

 

inyourFACEtrack: oooooooooooo

 

crispycrutch: ??????

 

SJ420: once upon a time i thought i was a het, and then i dated jack for like 2 months

 

SJ420: and 90% of our relationship was checking out pretty girls together

 

SJ420: so i figured i should date those pretty girls

 

noteventhatshort: BIG MOOD

 

SJ420: for the record the other 10% of the relationship was jack checking out “cute” boys and me being like eh

 

santagay: and herre i thought you were just trying to stop me from being jealous

 

SJ420: jack at one point i kissed another girl in front of you and you did not care

 

noteventhatshort: AHHH

 

inyourFACEtrack: OOOF

 

richbitch: AN ICON

 

santagay: ok well

 

SJ420: don’t even try bud

 

DJacobs: That’s my sister!!!!!

 

santagay: but at least you didnt hide it

 

santagay: at least you werent kissing people behind my back like SOME people in this chat

 

SJ420: ????

 

Spot8365631: i thought you were over that

 

santagay: i am i just need to have moral high ground over someone

 

inyourFACEtrack: wait what

 

noteventhatshort: is this chat just stories of jack getting cheated on now?

 

richbitch: im living for this

 

richbitch: jack cant keep a man nor woman

 

noteventhatshort: but whats this about spot cheating on jack?

 

santagay: he BROKE my FRAGILE 15 y/o HEART

 

santagay: but spottie was too cool, lived too fast, couldnt be tied down to one man

 

Spot8365631: also david was a much better kisser

 

SJ420: OH SHIT PLOT TWIST

 

richbitch: CALLED OUT

 

inyourFACEtrack: 911? theres been a murder?

 

DJacobs: This…. is true.

 

inyourFACEtrack: THE LEGEND HIMSELF SPEAKS

 

respecs: i am living for the drama in this chat

 

crispycrutch: were kind of a mess tbh

 

respecs: i understand and completely respect that

 

inyourFACEtrack: you reSPECt that?

 

respecs: haha very funny not like thats my goddamn username or anything

 

Spot8365631: roasted

 

inyourFACEtrack: bitch

 

inyourFACEtrack: YO JACK ROMEO, GOT MY MFN 29TH

 

santagay: fuck offfffff

 

WhereforeArtThou: this bet is unfair

 

WhereforeArtThou: im only attracted to one gender, thats less than half the people to ask

 

santagay: dude ur still winning

 

WhereforeArtThou: yeah but its a lot more work

 

inyourFACEtrack: i only have 1 girls number, i think its p even

 

santagay: this seems like something you should have considered when we started

 

WhereforeArtThou: ok but consider this

 

WhereforeArtThou: i didnt

 

inyourFACEtrack: ok but consider this

 

inyourFACEtrack: ur a dumbass

 

WhereforeArtThou: strong words coming from a guy who threw a wii remote out the window

 

noteventhatshort: fight fight fight fight

 

inyourFACEtrack: my embarrassments are not ur entertainment smalls

 

noteventhatshort: ur embarrassments are my only entertainment what r u talking about

 

Spot8365631: also everything you do is embarrassing

 

inyouFACEtrack: i feel betrayed

 

santagay: you should

 

santagay: i once saw u put hot chocolate mix in oj

 

inyourFACEtrack: it tastes like a terrys chocolate orange i stand by my choices

 

crispycrutch: you snorted mr noodles seasoning bc spot told you to

 

inyourFACEtrack: and i got 20$ for it

 

Spot8365631: u didnt “””get”””” 20$ ur debt to me was just slightly reduced

 

inyourFACEtrack: EITHER WAY

 

crispycrutch: once i watched u drop a spoon into a pot of boiling water and stick ur hand in to get it

 

inyourFACEtrack: i think ur point has been made, thnk u crutchie

 

Spot8365631: please do not stop, hes had it coming

 

crispycrutch: i will stop only bc i value my safety and so i still have receipts for the future

 

inyourFACEtrack: oh god

 

inyourFACEtrack: why did i think it was a good idea to live with you

 

crispycrutch: bc you love me and i contribute to the rent

 

inyourFACEtrack: touche

 

crispycrutch: besides, i would have dirt on you regardless

 

crispycrutch: i have seen each and every one of you do stupid stuff, no one is safe

 

inyourFACEtrack: mooooom crutchies being meannnn

 

DJacobs: Crutchie, please delete your blackmail.

 

crispycrutch: how can i delete it when its in my brain

 

santagay: i have never been more scared of crutchie

 

SJ420: crutchie is my idol

 

crispycrutch: that does not make you safe my friend

 

SJ420: honestly at this point you could reveal anything about me and i would not care

 

SJ420: i have reached a god status where nothing you say could possibly embarrass me

 

richbitch: im so in love with you

 

SJ420: love you too babe

 

**_PM with SJ420_ **

 

richbitch: ik youre in the next room but i dont want dave to hear, but I got a dinner reservation for two tomorrow at 7 and was wondering if you would like to join me

 

SJ420: i mean of course, but why are you asking me like this

 

richbitch: because

 

richbitch: also you should wear that dress you got for christmas

 

SJ420: ok?

 

**_More Than Just Coronas_ **

 

SJ420: kath is acting weird

 

albiehadalittlelamb: what kind of weird

 

albiehadalittlelamb: like “i just lost a lot of money” weird

 

albiehadalittlelamb: “i just took a bunch of acid” weird?

 

littlebirdie: oh no is it “i just slept with jack” weird?!

 

SJ420: oh god no

 

SJ420: she texted me and asked me on a date

 

SJ420: i asked her why and she said because

 

littlebirdie: !!!!!!!!!

 

littlebirdie: DID SHE ASK YOU TO WEAR SOMETHING SPECIFIC

 

SJ420: ye, a dress from christmas

 

albiehadalittlelamb: OH MYYYYY GODDDDDDDD

 

littlebirdie: GIRL

 

SJ420: what????

 

littlebirdie: jfc ur blind

 

albiehadalittlelamb: if u havent caught on yet we cant morally help u srry

 

SJ420: GUYS PLEASE

 

littlebirdie: nope

 

albiehadalittlelamb: have fun on ur date tho

 

**_PM with santagay_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: oh yeah finch did not, in fact cheat on me

 

albiehadalittlelamb: he was just making up with crutchie last night, they had a fight

 

santagay: and u trust finch in this

 

albiehadalittlelamb: ofc, ive known finch a long time, he would never

 

santagay: ok if you insist, i just dont want you to get hurt

 

albiehadalittlelamb: thanks jack

 

**_Queens of New York_ **

 

littlebirdie: anyone else just, super glad that theyre gay?

 

littlebirdie: bc thats such an important feeling

 

DJacobs: Me too, Finch

 

Spot8365631: rt

 

SJ420: rt

 

noteventhatshort: rt

 

WhereforeArtThou: rt

 

albiehadalittlelamb: rt

 

santagay: rt but bi

 

inyourFACEtrack: rt but bi

 

richbitch: rt but bi

 

respecs: rt but bi

 

crispycrutch: rt but pan

 

_ littlebirdie has changed  _ **_Queens of New York_ ** _ to  _ **_Queers of New York_ **

 

inyourFACEtrack: helllllll yeah

 

Spot8365631: please don't cuss, my mom checks my phone

 

inyourFACEtrack: oh my goodness im so sorry spot

 

inyourFACEtrack: ill delete the message right away

 

DJacobs: What?

 

DJacobs: Why does your mom check your messages, Spot?

 

DJacobs: You’re 23 and moved out?

 

DJacobs: Also I’m pretty sure I’ve seen you swear in this chat.

 

DJacobs: This is a meme, isn’t it?

 

santagay: u got there on ur own!

 

santagay: im so proud of u!

 

DJacobs: Thank you, Jack.

 

inyourFACEtrack: why does it feel like everyone is in loving and healthy relationships except me?

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

Spot8365631: wow rude

 

inyourFACEtrack: were not in a relationship remember?

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

 

DJacobs: Jack and I are not dating.

 

santagay: dude, were mom and dad, i think that’s close enough

 

respecs: question, in this mom/dad thing, who is everyone else

 

santagay: kath and sarah are the aunts obvi

 

inyourFACEtrack: smalls, romeo, crutchie, al, and i are their kids

 

inyourFACEtrack: finch used to be one of the kids but now hes dating al so that seems weird

 

inyourFACEtrack: i guess hes sarahs kid now?

 

SJ420: awwww i love my new son

 

respecs: what about spot?

 

santagay: hes kind of… his own entity… like an estranged uncle or neighbor that spends more time in ur house than his own

 

Spot8365631: rude but accurate

 

santagay: thats my name dont wear it out

 

Spot8365631: i hate you sm

 

santagay: then y r u always in my house???

 

Spot8365631: this metaphor has gone to far. blocked deleted and unfollowed.

 

santagay: honestly? thats fair

 

santagay: i respect ur choices

 

Spot8365631: sounds fake but ok

 

**_PM with Spot8365631_ **

 

inyourFACEtrack: in a beautiful twist of fate, crutchie jack are going to see a movie with davey and kath, and im home alone with a meat lovers pizza on its way

 

Spot8365631: ok?

 

inyourFACEtrack: would you care to join me?

 

Spot8365631: no, sounds too much like a date, and were not in a relationship right?

 

inyourFACEtrack: dude, were friends, sharing a pizza, and maybe having anal sex

 

inyourFACEtrack: thats not a date its just what we do

 

Spot8365631: still no, i have to finish a foreign policy essay for tomorrow

 

inyourFACEtrack: oh ok


	6. In Which (Almost) Everyone is a Loser

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> planning for Race's Birthday begins, and a few other surprises...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im publishing this now bc im away from home and i want to relaxxxx and not worry about finishing the chapter.

_ santagay added Spot8365631, SJ420, DJacobs, WhereforeArtThou, respecs, noteventhatshort, littlebirdie, albiehadalittlelamb, crispycrutch, and richbitch to a chat _

 

_ santagay has changed  _ **_Spot8365631, SJ420, DJac…_ ** _ to  _ **_Race is old soon_ **

 

santagay: alright bois, races bday is in a week

 

santagay: whatr we doing?

 

_ Spot8365631 has left the chat _

 

santagay: ok?????

 

DJacobs: Are we doing a surprise party?

 

noteventhatshort: i feel like he would expect that after a day of nothing

 

santagay: not if we surprise him early in the morning

 

WhereforeArtThou: we could take him to an amusement park or something?

 

DJacobs: That’s a good idea, Romeo!

 

crispycrutch: didnt we do that the year before last? i seem to recall race getting like 3rd degree sunburns

 

noteventhatshort: or we could just walk around the city and do stupid stuff and then get tanked as soon as the bars open

 

santagay: i think i speak on behalf of race when i say that is exactly what he would want

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

10:35

SJ420: YALL

 

_ SJ420 sent a photo to  _ **_Queers of New York_ **

Katherine has her arm around Sarah, they're both smiling like they just won the lottery. Sarah is holding up her hand to show a sparkling diamond ring.

 

richbitch: WERE ENGAYGED

 

santagay: HOLY SHIT WHAT

 

crispycrutch: AH CONGRATS GIRLS

 

inyourFACEtrack: IM SCREAMING IM SO HAPPY FOR U 2

 

WhereforeArtThou: AHHHAOBFEJBFOJKLSDCNJUDBKM

 

WhereforeArtThou: IME SOHAPPY FOR YORUT

 

noteventhatshort: HELL YEAH ITS ABOUT TIME

 

respecs: THATS SO EXCITING IVE ONLY KNOWN YOU FOR 3 DAYS AND IK YOU GUYS ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER

 

Spot8365631: Congrats ladies!

 

DJacobs: Congratulations! When did this happen?

 

SJ420: Thanks guys!

 

richbitch: Tonight at 10:02

 

littlebirdie: thats so exciting!

 

albiehadalittlelamb: you did it!

 

littlebirdie: had to say we saw it coming tho

 

SJ420: oh my god i was so blind

 

richbitch: i agree

 

richbitch: but im marrying you anyway

 

SJ420: WERE GETTING MARRIED

 

richbitch: IK IM SO EXCITED

 

SJ420: IM SO GAYY

 

SJ420: IN BOTH SENSES OF THE WORLD

 

santagay: oh my god its started

 

santagay: my friends are getting married

 

santagay: i feel so old

 

crispycrutch: youre 23, relax

 

crispycrutch: its not like you only wear slip on shoes, read westerns, watch EXCLUSIVELY telenovellas, and forget where we live constantly

 

crispycrutch: oh wait

 

inyourFACEtrack: GRANPA JACK GOT ROASTED

 

santagay: kids these days are so disrespectful

 

santagay: respect ur elders

 

santagay: if anythin g davey is the old man of the chat

 

DJacobs: Au contraire, I am, as the kids put it, the “cool mom”.

 

santagay: youre older than me?

 

DJacobs: That is irrelevant.

 

**_PM with crispycrutch_ **

 

littlebirdie: hey whats up

 

crispycrutch: just got out of class, you?

 

littlebirdie: nm

 

littlebirdie: i was wondering if you wanted to hang out wednesday afternoon? get coffee or smthn?

 

crispycrutch: thatd be great

 

crispycrutch: ur sure al is fine with it?

 

littlebirdie: yes! hes actually happy for us

 

littlebirdie: the only thing is that jack thinks im cheating on him so we need to be a bit on the dl

 

littlebirdie: but not that much bc weve always been friends and stuff yknow? and now me cheating on him is part of al’s plan?

 

crispycrutch: that sounds like a dangerous plan but yknow im not complaining

 

crispycrutch: does 3 work for you?

 

littlebirdie: hellll yeah

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

 

Spot8365631: where did sarah and kath go?

 

DJacobs: You do not want to know.

 

inyourFACEtrack: my notes say that i made a bet about kath and sarah getting engaged but it doesnt say who, so which one of you fuckers owes me 5$ since Davey and Jack still arent together

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

noteventhatshort: yeah that was me

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

littlebirdie: ah shoot that’s me

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

SJ420: me lmao I forgot about that

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: add it to my tab

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

crispycrutch: can i repay you in food

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

richbitch: i truly did not expect to lose 

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

WhereforeArtThou: whoops i guess i owe you

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

respecs: i almost forgot i agreed to that bet

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

santagay: how r u so good at betting

 

**_PM with inyourFACEtrack_ **

 

DJacobs: I will pay you tomorrow.

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

 

inyourFACEtrack: yall r idiots

 

littlebirdie: cant deny

 

santagay: no shit lmao

 

inyourFACEtrack: i would also like to remind everyone that any debts to me CAN be repaid in food as i am a broke and hungry college student

 

santagay: who isnt a broke and hungry college student?

 

littlebirdie: kath? her username is literally rich bitch

 

DJacobs: Race, aren’t you majoring in Finance?

 

inyourFACEtrack: that does not mean im good with my own money

 

inyourFACEtrack: im only good with other peoples money

 

DJacobs: That is concerning.

 

inyourFACEtrack: probably

 

littlebirdie: race being horrible at the subject he has a 4.0 gpa for is such a mood

 

santagay: what the fuck race

 

inyourFACEtrack:  ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

 

inyourFACEtrack: see i just need other people to listen to my financial advice

 

inyourFACEtrack: im not going to follow my own advice

 

inyourFACEtrack: i dont trust that bitch

 

DJacobs: I still can’t believe you have a 4.0 GPA.

 

inyourFACEtrack: whatre u talking about im a good kid

 

inyourFACEtrack: i eat vegetables

 

santagay: that is a lie

 

inyourFACEtrack: i have eaten vegetables in the past*

 

santagay: im still skeptical

 

inyourFACEtrack: hey ill eat them when they come w/ chinese food!

 

DJacobs: I don't think that counts, those are awfully deep fried.

 

littlebirdie: hey, if its the only way its the only way

 

inyourFACEtrack: do veggie chips count?

 

DJacobs: How are you still alive?

 

inyourFACEtrack: spite

 

**_PM with Spot8365631_ **

inyourFACEtrack: are you mad at me? i feel like you’re ignoring me


	7. In Which They Get a Dog

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> longer chapter, exciting things happen. Race goes to Smalls for advice. Stoned Sarah monologues to Kath. Race is blind af.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realised while writing this that despite the fact that finch and al are roommates, theyre constantly texting each other, but then i realised that they are lazy fucks who would 1000% text each other even if they were 5 feet from the other.  
> Also, characters ages bc thats handy:  
> Jack: 23  
> David: 23  
> Kath:22  
> Sarah:23  
> Spot:23  
> Smalls: 23  
> Race: 22  
> Finch: 21  
> Al: 21  
> Specs: 21  
> Romeo: 22  
> Crutchie: 20

**_PM with noteventhatshort_ **

 

inyourFACEtrack: i need advice

 

noteventhatshort: well well well how the turntables. shoot

 

inyourFACEtrack: for the past little while ive been sleeping with this guy, and its always been very fwb, but then recently he doesnt want to hang out or do anything bc were not in a relationship

 

noteventhatshort: isnt fwb a kind of relationship?

 

inyourFACEtrack: thats not relevent

 

inyourFACEtrack: what’s relevent is that i like this guy! a lot! and i kind of miss him, like hanging out with him. and he wont answer my texts and i cant tell if its bc he wants an actual relationship or not.

 

noteventhatshort: do you want to come over and play with the puppy?

 

inyourFACEtrack: YOU HAVE A PUPPY

 

inyourFACEtrack: SINCE WHEN

 

noteventhatshort: we got her yesterday!

 

noteventhatshort: her name is buttons

 

inyourFACEtrack: im omw

 

**_Queers of New York_ **

 

noteventhatshort: meet the newest memeber of the Courey-Conlon household: buttons

 

_ noteventhatshort shared 2 photos with  _ **_Queers of New York_ **

Spot is cradling a cheery Jack Russell puppy in his arms, only he is holding her as [Jake Gyllenhaal hold dogs](https://imgur.com/gallery/UHsFo): as if the pup is a bag of groceries. Despite this, the dog is loving every minute of her existence.

 

Buttons is passed out on Smalls’ lap. She is covering her mouth with her hand and appears ready to cry, she is trapped by the sleeping puppy.

  
  


richbitch: what on earth os spot doing

 

noteventhatshort: the boy never learned to hold a dog

 

crispycrutch: AMAZING SO CUTE 

 

WhereforeArtThou: AWWWWWWWWW

 

santagay: MY FIRST GRANDCHILD

 

DJacobs: Cute!

 

crispycrutch: jaaaack, can we get a dog??????

 

santagay: no, we can barely keep ourselves alive

 

santagay: wheres race i thought hed be all over this

 

_ noteventhatshort shared a photo with  _ **_Queers of New York_ **

Race is holding up an excited Buttons, kissing the side of her face.

 

noteventhatshort: hes in love

 

Spot8365631: wow didnt think that was possible

 

albiehadalittlelamb: sing it sister

 

**_More Than Just Cigars_ **

 

albiehadalittlelamb: anyone down to sesh rn?

 

SJ420: im always down

 

littlebirdie: sure, al owes me 2 gs anyway

 

SJ420: im omw, ill stop at the plugs on the way bc lord knows 2 gs isnt enough

 

albiehadalittlelamb: litty

 

**_PM with Spot8365631_ **

 

noteventhatshort: where u at

 

Spot8365631: omw home, do we need dog food?

 

noteventhatshort: yes, and also rum

 

Spot8365631: k

 

“Ugh, he k’d me.” Smalls complained, walking out of the kitchen to where Race was still loving the heck out of Buttons.

“He’s such a little bitch.” Race agreed.

“But he is on his way home.” Smalls shoved her phone in her back pocket and sat down with Race and Buttons. Race paused.

“Oh. Great.” Smalls ignored his comment.

“So this guy you’ve been talking with, do you want to date him? Or are you just sad he’s not fucking you anymore?”

“I… don't know, honestly. As long as I still get to be with him- as long as he’s still in my life, I’m happy.” Race confessed. Buttons had settled down a bit, and was now chilling in Race’s lap.

“So why aren’t you officially dating? I mean, why did you guys go the friends with benefits route?”

“It was a while ago, I was younger, less mature (if that’s possible), I knew I liked this guy a lot but I didn't want to risk a relationship with him. We agreed that relationships don’t last, and if we're not in a relationship, it wouldn't be a messy break. Plus young me didn’t want to be tied down, and neither did he. But we’re 23 now, I’m starting to want something serious, whether it’s with him or someone else.”

“I get that, Snipes and I have been talking about moving in together, whether she comes here or we find a place without Spot. It’s scary, but it’s a part of growing up. It’s interesting watching our younger friends navigate relationships, making the same reckless mistakes we did.” Smalls jumped “ Fuck! I saw something... interesting today, and I really hope it wasn’t what I thought it was, because I swear to God if Finch is cheating on Al, I will kick his ass to high-” Smalls took a breath, “I was doing a coffee run today, and I saw Finch there, sitting with our dear sweet Crutchie.”

“That doesn’t necessarily sound bad, they’ve always been pals. Was there anything suspicious that may mean they were up to no good?” Race looked sceptical

“I never saw them kiss or anything, but they were at a table for two, sharing a slice of cake-”

“GASP! Not cake!” Race interrupted sarcastically, receiving a glare from Smalls. “Sorry, continue.”

“And I may be wrong, but it looked like they were holding hands.”

“Well, to be honest, if Finch was cheating with anyone it would be Crutchie. Part of me has faith in Finch, I don’t think he would ever cheat on Al like that. But there was the incident after the party the other night.”

“Yeah, what happened there?”

“I can’t be sure, but Finch stayed the night in Crutchie’s room, and I definitely heard their voices and giggling in the middle of the night, meaning they weren’t sleeping.” Race shrugged, feeling worse and worse about the situation. Albert was his friend, and he didn’t want Al to get burned, but he also couldn’t believe Finch and Crutchie would do this.

“I think Finch is cheating on Albert.” Smalls declared. Race considered the statement for a moment, recalling every interaction between the three.

“Finch is definitely cheating on Albert.” Race agreed. Before they could discuss what to do about the situation, the apartment door opened.

“They didn’t have Bacardi so i got Sailor Jerry’s. Who else is here?” Spot turned the corner into the living room and stopped dead upon seeing Race.

“What are you doing here?” Spot’s eyes narrowed. Race could only stare back, either struck dumb by fear or his love for the boy. Smalls jumped to her feet, grabbing the groceries from Spot and placing them on the counter.

“So I’m heading out, I’ll be back late. You guys should probably talk.” Smalls was out the door faster than you could say “Fuck”

“Why are you here?” Spot repeated, crossing his arms and staring down Race.

“I uh… I was hanging out with your dog… and Smalls.” Race gestured to the pup that was passed out on the floor beside him. Spot didn’t respond, instead he started unpacking groceries. Race jumped up and joined Spot in the kitchen. The short boy kept his back turned to Race.

“We need to talk, and you haven’t been answering my texts. Look,” Race reached out for Spot’s arm. “I miss you.”

Spot jerked his arm away.

“I’m not your boyfriend, Higgins.” Spot warned, Race groaned.

“Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Because I can’t tell what you want, and all I want is to be with you, I don’t care if we put a label on things. I care about you, Spot, I know you don't want to hear that, but it’s true. Fuck, I don’t care if I’m your boyfriend or not, I just want you to stop pretending I don’t exist. The only label I care about is your friend, I need you back in my life, Spot, it’s been less than a week since we stopped talking and I’m honestly a bit of a mess. I don’t know what I’d do without you.” the words flowed out of Race faster and with less consideration than he wanted, but every word was true. Spot stopped what he was doing and didn’t move. Race was seriously worried he’d just screwed up the best thing to ever happen to him, until Spot whirled around and brought Race’s face to his own.

It was a kiss Race had never tasted in his 5 years with Spot. All of their other kisses were aggressive and passionate, a competition of who would surrender first and lead them to the bedroom. But no, this kiss was different, sweeter, though still urgent. Race’s hands on Spot’s hips weren’t there to grab at his ass or grind their hips together, they were to hold Race steady. Spot’s hands on Race’s neck weren’t there to pull Race in or choke him, they were there to caress Race’s jaw and play softly with his hair. Race could feel Spot smiling into the kiss, and started smiling himself. They pulled away for just a second, staring into each others eyes.

“Got anything to say?” Race asked innocently. Spot rolled his eyes halfheartedly.

“I missed you too, dumb-ass.” Spot confessed wholeheartedly.

“Anything else?” Spot grinned mischievously.

“Bedroom. Now.”

 

**_PM with richbitch_ **

 

SJ420: I just wanted to remind you how in love with you I am

 

SJ420: ur absolutely amazing and you deserve the whole entire world

 

SJ420: also al and finch r  cute but not as cute as us so suck it finbert

 

SJ420: get out of classsss i miss youu

 

SJ420: baaaaaaaaaabe

 

SJ420: finchy is singing again

 

SJ420: i just want to hear your beautiful voice

 

SJ420: god he wont shut up

 

SJ420: its protesting als rule not to use his cooking powers for us

 

SJ420: im joining him

 

SJ420: whats the point of having a friend in culinary arts if he doesnt make u food?

 

SJ420: omg hes doing it

 

SJ420: this is the best day of my life

 

SJ420: next to the day u proposed to me

 

SJ420: OMG WERE GETTING MARRIED

  
  
SJ420: UR MY FIANCEE

 

SJ420: AHHHHHHHHHHH

 

SJ420: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH

 

SJ420: im gunna kick dave out of the apartment tongiht so i can show u just how much i love you without worrying about him

 

**_PM with DJacobs_ **

 

SJ420: hey remember when you set a park bench on fire and didnt get arrested

 

DJacobs: No, but continue.

 

SJ420: and then you said, thanks i owe you one?

 

DJacobs: If I said that, I did not mean it literally.

 

SJ420: too bad, im calling to collect

 

SJ420: all you have to do is not be home tonight

 

DJacobs: Where am I supposed to go?

 

SJ420: idk thats ur problem, go to jacks or something

 

**_PM with santagay_ **

 

DJacobs: Hey, what are you doing tonight?

 

santagay: nm, y?

 

DJacobs: Sarah is kicking me out of the apartment and I need some place to stay for the night.

 

santagay: ur always welcome here davey!

 

DJacobs: Fantastic! Thank you! I will see you later.

 

**_PM with albiehadalittlelamb_ **

 

inyourFACEtrack: hey al

 

albiehadalittlelamb: hey man, whats up?

 

inyourFACEtrack: I just wanted to tell you something

 

inyourFACEtrack: i think finch is cheating on you with crutchie

 

inyourFACEtrack: ik it doesnt seem like something either of them would do but people can surprise you

 

albiehadalittlelamb: omg i had no idea

 

albiehadalittlelamb: what do you mean hes cheating on me

 

inyourFACEtrack: i think they slept together at the party and smalls saw them on a date today

 

albiehadalittlelamb: how could finch do this?

 

inyourFACEtrack: your guess is as good as mine

 

inyourFACEtrack: you deal with this how you want, just know ill always be here for you

 

inyourFACEtrack: you deserve better than this, you are such a great kid and if finch cant see that well then fuck him

 

albiehadalittlelamb: thank you for telling me

 

albiehadalittlelamb: i love you

 

inyourFACEtrack: love you too man

 

inyourFACEtrack: what are friends for


	8. In Which All is Resolved

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Race's birthday! They drink! They fight (TW homophobic language)! They love! It's a good time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last chapter! Thank you so much for all the love and support I have recieved while writing this, I can't believe I've finished my first fic! Also: me? giving characters more backstory? You bet!

**_PM with littlebirdie_ **

 

crispycrutch: we should tell them today

 

littlebirdie: i agree, its been way too long coming, and i feel like the party would be v awk if everyone thought i was cheating on al w/ u

 

**_Race is old soon_ **

7:36

santagay: today’s the day!

 

santagay: everyone knows the plan?

 

albiehadalittlelamb: meeting in the lobby of ur apt at 8, quietly entering ur apartment where Race has been alone all night, surprising him as he wakes up

 

crispycrutch: and I have a stack of pancakes with bday candles

 

WhereforeArtThou: ive got balloons

 

SJ420: im taking the video

 

noteventhatshort: and ive got his first shot of the day!

 

santagay: ok lets do this thing!

 

At exactly 8:03 am, Jack quietly unlocked the apartment door and stepped inside, silently slipping off his shoes and gesturing for everyone else to do the same. Jack, of course, did not notice the extra pair of shoes that were already there. Once everyone was crowded around Race’s bedroom door, Sarah began the video and Jack counted down. 3 fingers, 2 fingers, 1 finger. Jack opened the door.

“SURPRISE! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” they screamed at the lump that was Race on the bed. A shirtless and confused Spot sat up.

“Wha..” Spot blinked “oh shit…”

Everyone was dead silent. Spot stared at his friends, they stared back, processing the information at hand. Race opened his eyes slightly and sat up on his elbows, his back to their audience and so only seeing Spot in his half-asleep state.

“What’s up, babe?” Race put his hand on Spot’s bare chest, still blissfully unaware of the crowd. Sarah was the first person to respond, by bursting out in laughter. Race jumped and turned around.

“JESUS CHRIST!” Race screamed. Spot groaned and flopped back into the pile of pillows as everyone erupted into various cries of “What the fuck?” and “God damn it, Race.”. Race ran his hands through his hair, considering the confused people around him.

“Oh my God, okay, so I’m sure you guys have lots of questions, give us 5 minutes to get dressed and then we’ll talk.” Race said, taking in his friends shocked and amused faces. As they filed out Jack turned around and gave Race a quick thumbs up and wink.

“Jesus fuck, five years together and we’re outed by your surprise party.” Spot mumbled. Race jumped out of bed and started rooting around the room.

“They were bound to find out eventually, be glad it wasn’t during that birthday-BJ you promised me.” Race grabbed some jeans from a pile “What are we telling them?”

“I don’t know, the truth? Do you have a shirt I can borrow? I think there’s cum on mine.” Race tossed him a tank top, Spot examined it from the bed.

“I think that one is yours anyway. What is the truth? What are we calling ourselves now? Friends? Fuck-buddies? Lovers?” Race swooned dramatically, falling against Spot who had snuck up behind him. “Boyfriends?” Race pulled on a cleanish t-shirt.

“I like the sound of boyfriend, if you’re down for that.” Spot wrapped his arms around Race’s waist, giving him a kiss on his shoulder. Race smiled, turning around to face Spot.

“Sounds perfect to me, too” Race leaned down and gave Spot a brief kiss on the lips. 

“Are y’all fucking in there?” Jack’s voice came from the living room. Race groaned.

“Alright, let’s do this.”

 

“How long has this been going on?” Finch asked.

“About 5 years.” Spot responded, a few people choked. Romeo raised his hand and Spot nodded.

“So are you guys dating or just messing around?”

“We’re dating.” Race put his arm around Spot’s shoulders.

“How big is Race’s dick?”

“I’m not answering that, Jack.” Spot crossed his arms, though under his breath he said, “Bigger than yours.”

“Why didn’t you tell us?” Katherine asked.

“Because we didn’t think it would last as long as it has, it started off casual and a drunken hookup so we didn’t think you guys needed to know, and then it grew.” Race explained. Smalls raised her hand.

“Can we go get drunk now?” 

“It’s nine am.” Spot said, clearly disappointed and slightly concerned for his roommate. Smalls just shrugged and downed the shot she had been holding in her hand.

“Why don’t we just eat these pancakes before they get cold?” Crutchie piped in, offering the plate had been holding.

“That’s a great idea, Crutchie.” Race smiled and went to the kitchen to retrieve forks and plates. Crutchie and Finch exchanged glances.

“Um, also, speaking of people getting together. Crutchie and I are dating now, he’s not dating Al, but I am dating both of them.” Finch announced. He grabbed his boyfriends’s hands, and smiled at them. Jack was the first to speak up after this revelation.

“Well, I think I speak for all of us when I say that I’m glad to hear you’re not cheating on Albert after all.” Jack commented. Everyone nodded. Race returned and distributed tableware. People accepted happily, ready to dig into the awaiting pile of pancakes.

“So, are there anymore relationship announcements?” Romeo hinted, eyeing Jack and David, everyone turn towards them. Jack sighed and shook his head, unaware of David’s wistful look beside him.

“So, the plan was to hit the bars as soon as they open, but even the worst alcoholics have to wait until noon, what are we doing until then?” Smalls asked between bites of pancake.

“Why don’t we play truth or dare?” David suggested innocently. Everyone perked up at the prospect of making their friends do dumb stuff.

“We could make it truth or dare or drink. It’s like truth or dare, only if you chicken out you take a shot. Best of both worlds.” Specs explained. 

“Oh God, this isn’t going to end well.” Spot muttered.

“Oh God, this is is going to be fantastic.” Race rubbed his hands together.

“I’ll get the liquor.” Jack ran into the kitchen, frantically searching for alcohol and shot glasses.

“Race, birthday boy, truth or dare?” Specs asked, taking it upon himself to start the game.

“Dare.”

“Sit on Spot’s lap for the rest of the game.” Race shrugged, and joined his boyfriend who had taken up a position in the lazy boy. It was uncomfortable at first, they had never had an audience, but they quickly relaxed and appreciated the closeness.

“Katherine, truth or dare?”

“Truth, I'm not an idiot.” Race had a reputation for wild dares. He glared at Kath before thinking up a good truth.

“Where’s the wildest place you’ve fooled around with someone?” Race asked with a mischievous grin. Katherine went red, and looked to Jack, who had returned with vodka.

“Chicken.” Everyone booed as she took her shot. “Specs! Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“Great, time to get to know you way too well. Same question: wildest place you’ve fooled around with someone?”

Specs thought for a moment.

“Once I received a BJ in a confessional booth at church… no less than 30 mins after mass.” He confessed “Never went back there.”

Everyone burst out into laughter. Everyone except Race, who looked like he’d seen a ghost.

“Oh my God, that was you.” Race jumped off of Spot’s lap and stared at Specs. A wave of realisation passed over Specs face.

“I knew you looked familiar!” The two stared at each other in recognition for a moment, before bursting into laughter. Specs rubbed his face.

“Man, this is awkward.” He laughed, looking between his own boyfriend and an amused Spot.

“Proud of you, babe” Romeo said, patting Specs on the shoulder. “And since Race failed his dare, I say he takes a shot.”

“I volunteer to take a shot, goddamn.” Race reached for the bottle and took a swig, before falling back into Spot’s lap. Spot seemed amused by the revelation but said nothing.

“Albert, truth or dare?” Specs asked. Albert considered his options.

“Dare.”

“I dare you to kiss the most attractive person in the room.”

Albert paused. It wasn’t like he didn’t kiss people, but in front of everybody? Albert considered taking the shot just to get it over with, nobody would blame him. He looked over at Race, who looked so happy in Spot’s arms. He had pined over Race for so long, but looking at him now, Race wasn’t the one Albert wanted. He then looked at Finch, who was sitting on the floor with Crutchie. He was watching Albert intently, his dark eyes gleaming. Finch would expect him to take the shot. Instead Albert lunged forward and kissed his fake boyfriend. They had kissed before, long ago, at a party, in fact, that was the night they first met. As a couple however, they had never kissed, people just assumed that Albert wasn’t about that. But Albert had often found himself staring at Finch’s rosy lips, unsure if he was allowed to kiss him as a part of their fake dating bit. Someone whistled.

“Bo-ring.” Romeo interrupted, the two boys broke apart. “Albert, your go.”

“Um, Sarah, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What’s your favourite thing about Katherine?” Everybody awed and focused their attention on the Sarah as Albert slipped out of the room.

 

“Why’d you kiss me?” Finch asked, following Albert into the kitchen. “You could’ve taken a shot. Or kissed Race!”

“I didn’t think you’d mind. Besides, I don’t think I like Race anymore, with him being with Spot and... and me spending more time with you, I think I’m over him.” Albert confessed.

“I didn’t mind you kissing me, but if you’re over him, why are we still fake-dating?”

“We don’t have to keep fake-dating. In fact, I was hoping you would consider making it… real dating?” Albert asked quietly. This time it was Finch who kissed Albert, wrapping his arms around his neck. Albert broke the kiss.

“I take that as a yes?” Albert confirmed. Finch nodded with a smile.

“To quote Jackson Francis Sullivan Kelly: ‘are yall fucking in there?’” Race shouted from the living room.

“Fuck no!” Finch yelled, still smiling at his boyfriend.

 

The day flew by quickly, with truth or dare turning into paranoia, and paranoia turning into FMK. Before they knew it, it was nearly five o’clock, having been filled previously by pancakes, chips, and other snacks, but eventually stomachs began rumbling for real food. The group found themselves in a tacky Irish pub, feasting on fries and burgers. Albert and Jack complained profusely at the pub’s decor and beer, claiming it was nowhere near good enough to claim itself Irish. They took much offence to the pub, calling it “unauthentic”. Jacks parents were both from Ireland, and Albert was himself an immigrant, having moved to America as a kid when his mother remarried.

“ Níl a fhios agat ar an nGaeilge.” Crutchie commented, much to the confusion of everyone around him.

“Was that french?” Albert asked. Crutchie smiled.

“Is amadán thú.”

“Definitely not French… Say something else?” Katherine, their language expert requested.

“Tá mé aerach.”

“Is that Gaelic? Where the fuck did you learn Gaelic?” Katherine asked, totally enraptured.

“It was offered as a second language at my school. Rural Nova Scotia has a surprising amount of Gaelic speakers and I already knew french, so why not?” Crutchie explained, picking at his fries. “The real question, is why don’t you speak Gaelic?”

“I moved when I was 5, I didn’t learn shit.” Albert explained, stealing a fry from his boyfriend’s boyfriend. Crutchie slapped his hand.

"Níl fries ar bith agat, bitseach.” He lectured “Finch has plenty of fries left, take his.”

  
  
  


Race and Smalls eventually moved to the bar to get drinks, more people had gathered in the pub, and it was starting to get a bit crowded.

“You knew, didn’t you? About Spot and I?” Race asked. Smalls laughed.

“Yeah, I figured it out about a year ago. I came home early and saw you two cuddling and watching a movie. You guys didn’t notice me, so I left. Figured you guys would tell us when you were ready.” She shrugged and sipped her beer. Despite having started drinking at 9, Smalls was not drunk whatsoever. Race wondered if she hadn’t actually been drinking that much or if she had the alcohol tolerance of a bull. There were many grown men in the bar that were way more intoxicated than the 5-foot-tall woman standing in front of him.

“Well, we weren’t exactly ready this morning but sometimes life justs… pushes you forward.” Race explained, motioning with his beer. “Say, why don’t you ever bring Sniper along to these things?”

“She’s on night shift these days, I barely get to see her. She’s asleep right now, wishes you a happy birthday though. Cheers.” She raised her glass to Race, who followed suit, and they drank.

“Sucks that you don’t get to-” Race was interrupted by a large guy trying to make a move on Smalls.

“Hey, gorgeous, how’s your night going?” The guy sidled up to her and went to put his arm on her back. She quickly moved away, turning herself so that she was directly facing the newcomer.

“Sorry, I’m not interested. I’m having a conversation here, so if you would kindly-”

“Not interested? You don’t even know me!” He objected. He reeked of beer, and she could remember him being already at the bar when they arrived. Race stood there shocked, unsure of what to do.

“I’m in a relationship, so if you would leave-”

“With this puny guy? Honey, I could show you a much better time than this faggot here.” He leaned in, grabbing her arm and that was it. Smalls decked him, delivering a swift punch to the nose. The man recoiled, covering his face, but quickly recovered. He swung a heavy punch at Smalls, which she easily avoided.

“You fucking bi-” He was interrupted by a sharp kick to the groin, courtesy of Smalls. His distress was noted by his buddies, two equally large guys who were equally tanked. The first one aimed a punch at Smalls side, but Race jumped in the middle, taking the blow. His shoulder erupted into pain. Smalls was good at fighting, Race, unfortunately, was not. He got a few hits in on the guy who first punched him, but that man was large, and considerably more experienced than Race, and delivered a solid punch to the side of Race’s face. Fortunately for Race, Spot had discovered what was going on. The fight ended soon after Spot joined, with the drunken men leaving embarrassed and holding ice packs, and Spot explaining the situation to the bar owner, ending it with a “we will be on our way, here’s 50 dollars for any trouble we may have caused.”. Walking out into the dusky street, Race threw his arms around his brothers-in-arms.

“Sorry for causing you to get beat up on your birthday.” Smalls apologised. Race smiled, a black eye starting to form on his face.

“Are you kidding? There is no better way to spend my birthday than getting in a fight to defend your honour.” Smalls started muttering about the outdated concept of honour. “Besides, I loved seeing my hero in action, I should get in fights more often.” Race leaned down and kissed Spot on the forehead.

“Dumbass” he scoffed, blushing even still.

“I know.”

 

When David had become that intoxicated, Jack had no idea. It was probably between their second and third bars, but once again, David was absolutely fucked. Jack had given up on trying to keep up, and had settled for tipsy for the rest of the evening, after all, someone had to look after Dave. Sarah had her hands full with Kath, and Crutchie, Albert, and Finch had gone home after the second bar refused Crutchie admittance due to his age. That always made Jack laugh and Crutchie frustrated. The age limit was younger in Canada, and they were much more relaxed about IDing people, so Crutchie had been effectively drinking for 2 years back home, but consistently got kicked out of bars when he was with his friends in New York.

David rested his head against Jack’s shoulder, and Jack put his arm around the boy, smiling to himself. Drunk David was nothing if not entertaining.

“You smell so good.” David mumbled. “Like a horse if the horse was made of paint and wood.”

“Hey, Davey, do you want to go home?” Jack suggested, David looked like he was ready to pass out. Race, Spot, and Smalls were snickering from the other side of their table.

“Only if I get to go home with you. Do you live in a stable?”

“You can only come to my place if you drink this water. The entire glass, you hear me?”

“Yes, daddy.” David was apparently not aware of what he just said, but Jack turned red, unsure of what to make of David calling him “Daddy”. He figured it was a joke about their mom/dad status in the group. Dave drank his glass of water, spilling a good deal of it down his face. Davey slammed the glass back onto the table, almost breaking the glass.

“Done. Stable now?” David asked. Jack smiled at his inebriated friend.

“Stable now. Can you walk by yourself?” Davey responded by getting out of his seat and nearly falling to the ground. Jack jumped out of his seat, and steadied David, throwing Davey's arm over his shoulders and holding him up from his waist.

“Well, looks like we’re heading out. Happy Birthday, Racer.” Jack said to their remaining friends. David just waved at the birthday boy, who returned the gesture.

“Have fun getting him home. I’m going home with these guys, so no funny business.” Race warned. Jack smirked and left the bar, half-dragging David with him.

“You’re so pretty. Your parents must be artists or something.” Davey flirted. Jack just laughed, focusing more on getting them home in one piece.

“That’s a nice sound. That’s what made me fall in love with you, y’know?” David confessed. Jack stopped dead in his tracks, nearly causing Davey to fall on his face. Davey had said it so casually, like it was an obvious thing, as if it wasn’t shaking up Jack’s world. Everyone had always joked about them getting together, and Jack had always just thought they were teasing, on account of Jack’s major crush on Davey.

“You love me?” Jack asked, trying to keep his voice steady. Davey sighed.

“Of course, that’s what I just said. I thought you knew, it wasn’t like I tried to hide it.”

“Davey, I- I love you too. I always have.” Jack turned and grabbed David’s hands. David looked confused.

“Are you sure? I don’t mean in the friendship way, Jackie.”

“I know, and I’m sure.” Jack slung his arm around his friend and they kept walking. “Hey Dave, would you maybe like to go on a date with me sometime?”

“I would love to.” Dave leaned into Jack’s side. “Hey.”

“Hey?” Jack his head towards Davey and was surprised by a kiss. It tasted of over sweetened alcoholic drinks and it was the best kiss of Jack’s entire life. Jack was the first to pull away, feeling slightly guilty of kiss David while he was that intoxicated. David leaned in for another kiss, but Jack refused him.

“We can kiss all we want when you’re sober, but for now, let’s go home.” Jack pointed to his apartment building, and they slowly made their way up the stairs. Once David was tucked into Jack’s bed, Jack went to the kitchen to fetch anything his boyfriend might need, a bucket, a glass of water, aspirin. Making his way back from the kitchen, Jack noticed Crutchie’s door was open. Inside, were Albert, Finch, and Crutchie, all sleeping peacefully in Crutchie’s bed. Jack smiled to himself and returned to his bedroom, and curled up next to David, still smiling as he fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Epilogue no one asked for:  
> \- Spot and Specs were fine with their bfs continuing the competition for who could get the most phone numbers  
> \- David was less ok so Jack pulled out and got to keep his car.  
> \- Romeo still insists that he won  
> \- Smalls does move in with Sniper, and Race moves into Spot's apartment.  
> \- Jack and David were the best men at Sarah and Kaths wedding (Buttons was the ring bearer)
> 
> (should I write a mini sequel for newsbian wedding?)


End file.
